u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
