Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
