I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
