dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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