how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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