So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
