Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
