last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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