He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
