You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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