i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
