how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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