omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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