Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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