i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
