i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I want her autograph on my taint
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
