Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
are you so shy because you have an std?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
