I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
