I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
