Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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