What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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