...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
