I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
