Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
