I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
