dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
