Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
