I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
