jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
