I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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