Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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