turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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