i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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