my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my sisters under your porch take her home
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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