Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The Olympian is in my bed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
