you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
