Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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