ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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