Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
