and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
