It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
