If that was your dad, he is hot
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
