Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
