the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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