3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize