If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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