God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
