I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
