Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
