Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
