Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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