Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I puked a lego.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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