Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
