so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
