Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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