What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to calm my uterus...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
