I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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