Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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