Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Who died my cat blue again?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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