I'm so fucking centered right now
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
