i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
