PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
