I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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